User blog:Cynical04TR/A FOREIGNERS GUIDE TO TURKEY
in a faraway part of the interplanetary zone, there lies a planet called Turkey. This planet is inhabited by humanoid creatures called Turks. I am a Turk myself and There are many different types of Turks. I'll go trough all of them. 1: Veled (Turkus Veledicus) The word Veled comes from Arabic and literally means "Child". This should give you an idea of what Veleds are. Veleds are Turklings infected with a pathogen called "Urethra Cactus". They make up majority of Turklings (the youngest turks). However, its worth noting that not all Turklings are Veleds. Some primary characteristics of Velets are, they are into shitty Turkish youtubers and are generally addicted to the internet, they want to make a living on youtube or with e-sports. However, that usually never happens. Their natural habitat is Youtube One perticular youtubers whom Veleds love is someone by the name of Enes Batur. In extreme examples, they utter out "Brother Enes please fuck my mother" as they want him to be their dad. Veleds are really toxic and radioactive. Thats because velet's small brain is mostly made out of radioactive Polonium and instead of Calcium, their bones thrive off Radium. Thats why any Geiger-counter within 100 meters of a velet will cease to function. While veleds are unbearable, they will usually evolve into a Keko once puberty hits. Some say that the Chernobyl Elephants Foot is just the decomposing body of a Veled. If you want to be safe around veleds, keep them away from any type of computer. 2: Keko (Turkus Tırrekus) Keko comes from the Kurmanji dialect of Kurdish and literally translates to "Brother". Before 2011, they were known as Apaçis before they evolved into what they are today. They are much like Slavic Gopniks or British Chavs. Their natural habitat is the streets of working-class neighborhoods and public high schools. 1They wear bootlegged Nike or Adidas, have a godawful emo haircut, are broke, gather around in groups in a squatting position, smoke cigarettes, are verbally impaired and rather foul-mouthed. Some pre-2011 Kekos or Apaçis use this song as their anthem. However, it has mostly been forgotten about. I personally remember everyone using this as a ringtone for some nokia phone back when i was little. Kekos are incredibly into females and they will sense the smallest drop of Estrogen within a 1km area. Despite being their scary attraction for women, they usually dont attack them as they are incapable of doing so. Kekos usually gather up in pacts in public schools. When entering a public school, you can see a couple of them squatting. They usually only havethis haircut and look like some sort of a cult. Inside public high schools, there is nothing but pure anarchy. Aditionally, Public high school bathrooms are filled with them. There are 3 kekos per toilet seat and they are usually smoking cigarattes or doing narcotics. Because of cigarette fumes, public high schools have a different climate where moss and pine trees run wild. Kekos can evolve into many different Turks, here are some of them. If you want to stay safe around kekos, get a pack of cigarettes and throw it far away. This will lure them away. 3: Abazan (Turkus Pervertus) Abazans are the most dangerous Turks. If you are female of Slavic ancestry or a blonde, stay away from them. There are 3 types of Abazans and they are 3.1: Modern Abazan. (Turkus Pervertus Pajeetus) The most common type Their natural habitat is social media sites like Periscope, Omegle and Chatroulette. When they encounter a Slavic female, they have a %101.45 chance of asking for nudes. Due to their limited English knowledge, they usually say shit like "Open Open ". They go for all girls between 12 and 35. Noone is safe. Because of their similar behavior to Indians on facebook, they have been thought of as a missing link between Turks and Indians. 3.2: Hotel Abazan (Turkus Pervertus Potentialrapistus) The most dangerous type Theie natural habitat is Touristic Resorts and Jails. They are always hunting for slavic females to do unspeakable acts. I once saw one catcalling a Serbian woman but his boyfriend turned out to be a Jumper so he had his ass kicked. 3.3: 45+ Abazan (Turkus Pervertus Kırkbeşus) The rarest yet the safest type. Their natural habitats are their homes. Are usually married and are abazans who are depressed because their wife is getting ugly, have no idea of how the internet functions and their perversion is usually limited within their own fantasies. They are considered to be an endangered species and are predicted to go extinct by 2080. 4: Çomars (Turkus Erdocretinus) Basically Supporters of Erdoğan, Their natural habitats are AKP rallies. Heavily devoted to Islam and usually do voter fraud. Their natural enemies are leftists, republicans, kemalists and people who utilise more than %75 of their brain. Majority are Abazans 5: Yobaz (Turkus Subhumanus) Heavy Islamist who support Saadet, Hüdapar or other far-right islamic parties. Their natural habitats are small isolated towns and villages scattered across Turkey , hellholes like Sultanbeyli and Shopping Malls. Their natural enemies are non-muslims, educated women, kemalists, leftists and people with more than half a brain. Almost all are perverts and pedophiles and this has led to some anthropologists classifying them as a subspecies of Abazans. 6: Bozkurts (Turkus Racistus) Far-Right Turkish Nationalists. Bozkurt literally means "grey wolf" in Turkish. However, they should not be confused with actual grey wolves as grey wolves are intelligent, versatile and social animals while bozkurts are dumb, rude and antisocial. Their natural habitat is youtube comment sections where they throw edgy slogans like "LONG LIVE RACIST TURKEY" and get in arguments with Armenians. Their natural enemies are non-turkish people, especially Armenians and Greeks. They are shitty lowlifes and can eat shit. 7: Uncle Osmans (Turkus Osmanamcacus) They are working-class Turkish folk who are good people. Generally taxi drivers, shopowners, plumbers, electricians and so on. They like playing backgammon, drinking tea have an amazing moustache and wear striped tshirts . Some are of Kurdish or Armenian background 8: Regular Turks (Turkus Regularus) Just regular people who do regular things 9: Drug Dealers (Turkus Torbacıcus) They deal drugs and are mostly abazans. Their natural habitat is slum neighborhoods. They however are really rich and thr only reason they use slums as places of business is because there isnt much law enforcement there. Their primary consumers are kekos and their natural enemy is the police 10: Me (Turkus Cyncicus) Their natural habitat is their illegal nuclear research lab and they primarily consume minors. 11: Pure Oghuz Sons of Tengri Turks (cCc CcCcCccccCcc) cCccCc cCc cccCcCcccCccCCCCC CcCccCcccccCCCCccccc ccCcCccCC ccCccc cCccCcCc cCccccc CCCCCCCCC cccccc CcccCcccCCCC Cc cCcCCc cCcCcCcc cCcCCCCCcCc cCc Osmali Category:Blog posts